new years goals

I am turning 40 in exactly three months I can't change it I don't like it but its a fact this past year has been a good year watching my baby girl and all the joy my children bring to me and seeing my husband grow in Christ but for me personally and spiritually it has been one long disaster my body is way out of shape I have been called a grandmother twice at least this year by strangers my home has not been cleaned completely not even one time and the holidays are almost here!!!!!!!!!!! financially UGH! lets not even go there. so what comes first in fixing this mess?

1. GOD yes bible time and prayer time when things are going well when I am the calmest God is first we all know this but I have this ego that tells me I can handle life myself HA what a joke
2. fun with my kids my oldest will be 14 in one month in 4 short years he will be 18 how did this happen he is the joy of my life I don't want to let him go but he will go and the time I have left to really enjoy his sweet childhood is nearly gone so this is my hearts greatest desire to get this time with him and the sweet children who will one by one quickly follow him I HAVE WASTED THE YEARS AND I PRAY AND BEG AND PLEADED FOR FORGIVENESS how could it be i have been home every day sense he was born we have sacrificed a second income and we have choice to home school and still time has gotten away from me still there is so much i want to pour into my boy more than i can or ever will
3. my home i used to love to decorate as a child i loved to come home after school and either decorate my room or repaper and carpet my doll house my house does not feel like a home it does not look good it is uncomfortable to walk through it it doesn't sound like it should or smell like i want it to my children will wake to music and clean spaces bright with light and warmth filled with fresh clean smells I remember as a child waking to sunlight streaming in the window the sound of the washer whoosh whoosh whooshing the hum of the dryer and the clean smells of the cheer and downy filling the air my great grandma who raised me would be in the kitchen dressed in a fresh comfy dress preparing meals for the day she always had a tidy home and time for me to walk beside her OH TO BE LIKE THAT WOMAN it would be such a blessing AND HER CHILDREN CALL HER BLESSED that's is my grandma
4. my health this one alludes me it seems so simple eat less move more yet it is only 12:30 and i have already ate 5 cups of chili with cheese and cracker pretzels and a banana and have not been on the treadmill at all i know my doctor is going to give me the do you want to live lecture because i am still not taking my pcos med and really do not intend to do to the way they make me feel i am just going to have to remember I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH GOD WHO STRENGTHENS ME I PRAY HE WILL I KNOW HE CAN so that would be eat 1500 cals daily exercise an hour daily treadmill weights
5. and then there is the hard goals or choices like do we move or do we stay we have a great piece of land 10 acres woods hills pond field area and creek smallish but sturdy ranch style home huge garage lots of out building and a great old barn good house payment low taxes but still we are in debt i don't want to be in debt and we live way far from church my husbands work and what feels like home if i could just move this property its really a great property its in a great community but its not my community so WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO

blogging

it sure seemed like a good idea at the time i like to read some blogs i love to talk hate to type though i guess that should have been a clue but i still thought how fun to put my thoughts down as it turns out i am the most boring blogger probably in the history of blogging and i have a feeling all those moms who say they are not spending much time blogging might be a little delusional because i have no time to get on this blog i should right now be getting ready for church mary will be screaming any minute i don't know what we will have for lunch maybe the candy from the fall festival parade we attended yesterday

dreams

we all have dreams as a little girl i dreamed of having a house full of kids at least six but usually eight of course we always had plenty of money and no one ever got sick or disagreed with each other as i got older i ditched that dream for another the big city dream you know the I'm going to make it after all dream ah the power of t.v. it seems I've come full circle and returned to that which i first loved and now if only i could get the house clean and decorated this mess of a body in shape and adopt 3 more children i would be getting pretty close to the dream i wouldn't mind a lotto win either

I can't believe it is October already .Mary walks around everything is just full of wonder yet she seems to have some kind of allergy her little nose runs all the time i think it is food related because her diapers are always poopy.she was sick all of September .we still managed to camp at family camp and the kids had a great time it was kind of a fiasco for the rest of us though but we will do it again next year .
tony nick and Ethan went to a cubs game with a friend and had a great time .we also did the log cabins this fall
it has been raining for days.My niece Shelby had a baby c section on the 7th sovie deniese my other niece Korey is do in April with a boy we think.I would love to have more babies God willing.