40

Tomorrow I will be 40I hope I live to see all my babies turn 40.I hope I remember how i feel how i hate the thought of it how i try to fight it happening try to deny it like the suddent death of a loved one or a bad accident if you just wish hard enough maybe it would all go away maybe i would wake up to find it is all a bad dream but in reality it is here it is real i will be 40 very soon i know nothing will be different tomorrow .but i am not where i wanted to be at 40 i am not smart enough rich enough kind enough thin enough healthy enough close enough to God my family is not big enough my house is not clean enough and frankly my husband does not care enough.

40 things i love

1. God
2. husband
3. aj
4. savannah
5. nick
6. carson
7. ethan
8. grace anne
9. allen
10. mary faith
11. grandma carter grandpa carter the part of my child hood spent with them
12. thunder storms
13. the friend ship of my precious cat charlie
14. aunt star uncle immel and lazy summer days on their farm
15. conversations with my boys
16. dressing my curly girl in church dresses and white sweaters
17. rocking my baby to sleep
18. the waltons
19. spring and summer even early fall
20. lilacs tulips peonies
21. pam
22. a freshly decorated room
23. the smell of rain on the pine trees
24. the back yard of state street
25. in closed front porches
26. large bodies of water from the shore
27. witnessing my children's delight when they learn something new
28. the hearts of my kids my they always be pure
29. baptisms
30. amazing grace and the old rugged cross
31. survivor
32. chris neff and allen cosner
33. my nana
34. my sis brother nieces and nephews
35. maude trousdale and her strength
36. the sound and smell of washing laundry in the morning
37. waking up to sunlight on my face
38. a good Jerry movie
39. holding hands with my husband
40. feeling gods presence

the house is quit Mary plays at my feet the land and trees are covered with snow every one else is asleep as usual my mind wonders to my boy who is nearly a man how does the time move so quickly even my curly girl has no baby left in her everyday I see more of a teen in her than i care to admit but my little Mary cries now so i will go and take care of this last little one